Tips for enrollment (sa USM, utang na loob)

Concerned student lang naman ako. Kaya ko ito pinost, dahil gusto kong makatulong sa mga nanganganib na maka-experience ng mga na-experience ko. Here are my tips for a 'lesser-stressful' (kasi hindi talaga pwedeng mawala ang salitang 'stress' pag enrollment sa USM ang pinag-uusapan) na enrollment. Tagalog yan! Para gets nating lahat. Mwa mwa tsup tsup!

Kung hindi ka pupunta ng sobrang aga, pumunta ka ng madilim na. Naman! Sobrang init, sobrang haba ng pila, lalo naman sa admin. Mabuti pa noon per college ang assessment at bayaran. Ngayon, lahat sa admin na. (Baka nakawin sa college? Baka kupitan? Or mas masaya lang talaga pag tayong lahat sama-samang dumama ng init sa admin.

Isama mo ang tropa. Dude, sabay-sabay kayo habang naghihintay ka ng ilang taon bago makarating sa cashier. (Pwedeng mag-apply na cashier? Sanay ang mga kamay ko sa mabilisan. Tetris player 'toh. Level 50. Kaya mo yun?)

Bring your baon. Para malaman mo, doon ka na maglulunch assessment man o bayaran ang drama mo. Diba ayaw mong maungasan sa pila? Oo, magdala ka ha? Hayaan mo yung walang dala. Don't share. Kasalanan nila yun.

Kaibiganin ang encoder. Mahirap 'to. Huwag na huwag kang magpaparinig. Baka matagalan ka lalo. You know na, kunyari patient ka, kasi yun ka naman eh!

Magdala ng payong. Dahil lang baka umabot nanaman ang pila sa admin at mainitan ka.

Magdala ng motor kung mayroon. Dahil ang subtitle ng enrollment sa USM ay "Need for Speed."

what i'm using now

lipstick

 nail color

 kashieca perfume

 moisturizer

 more lip color

shower gel

Things I will be doing when I visit Manila

1. Look for Miss Leyhl Anne Nierves
2. Stroll in Divisoria
3. Stroll in Quiapo
3. Stroll in Robinson's Malate and eat Silvanas
4. Stroll in SM North Edsa
5. Ride the LRT
6. Stroll in SM Mall of Asia
7. See the Luneta dancing lights
8. Stroll at Ever
9. Stroll at Isetann
10. Stroll at SM Manila

wee.

Dear John,

John, I have never been so in love for so long. Four years. Wow. I guess that's a pretty long time, huh? I have loved being with you all the time, talking to you all the time, and being in love with you all the time. You have never cheated on me (contrary to what I have done to you, which I did twice). Gaad. You were so mad at me. I thought our relationship wouldn't be fixed, but still, you accepted me. You still loved me. You swallowed your pride, the one thing you claim to be what you only have. I really appreciated that and loved you even more.

I always thought you would run away when you got me pregnant. You didn't. Gaad. I love you. You are one of those few guys, who girls would be so lucky to have. I am in awe of your overall goodness. I never thought I would come across a man like you. You are so responsible that you 'tried' to take care of 'our family' and 'took good care' of your father's family. You are a good friend to all your friends. You are always there whenever they need you, even if I may need you too.

You see, I have never stopped loving you, but. We need to go our separate ways now. I have waited so long for everything to change, for everything to be okay. I wanted my parents to accept you. I wanted you to move away from your house so you wouldn't be responsible for them anymore, so you could earn, for us. I wanted you to wake up earlier so you could greet me 'good morning.' I wanted you to stop thinking so negative of me. I wanted to stop thinking about me as a snobbish, immature, misdirected, and unfaithful bitch that you always thought I was. How hero of you to love someone of that denomination? I am impressed.

But sadly, honey, we cannot go on like this.

I would love to spend the rest of my life sittin' beside you, sippin' tequila. However, our lives are not crossed in the future. We are both the eldest in the family, and same as your responsibility, I have responsibility for my siblings too (thank you for showing me that with the way you set aside our family). I also think that I do not have the right to change you. I mean, who am I to do that? I am just a girl you loved. Love changes us, but really, I can't change you. Honey, I have changed the way I am since the day I first met you, but I have no right to oblige you to do the same.

Please don't get mad at me. Let's be friends, for the little kiddo in front of the television dancing to Doc Mcstuffins. I want her to have a bright future. I don't want here to feel she has a broken family. I wish you all the best after everything. You have your whole life ahead of you. Tatah ;)

That Feeling

Here am I again, in front of this mad machine (perfect for a mad woman like me). Ren and I have broken up. It’s been two days. I haven’t talk to him since. I don’t think he intends to talk to me the way I don’t intend either. I’ve loved him for five long years. I don’t understand why it’s over now, why I don’t feel the same way anymore. We have a child, and she’s all I need to think about now. No, I’d still have to think about college, my future, my blog.

Ren could be what every girl would want, except for he’s not really good-looking. However, the qualities of a reliable man are in him. He’s responsible. He’s family-oriented. He didn’t run away when he’s got me pregnant. He still accepted me even after I cheated him twice. He’s giving me financial assistance when I need it. He doesn’t make me pay when we eat out. He really is husband-material.

The problem is, I don’t see him and I growing old together. I could more likely see myself happier alone than be with him. I guess everything in our relationship fell on a routine system of eating out, texting all the time, fighting all the time, making up all the time, and doing the same things all the time that I got so bored. I realized that we have finally found our safety bubbles in the relationship that we seldom make flips and turns and the relationship got so bland – at least for me.

After five years, I have stopped loving him, I guess.

Love indeed is not a guarantee, because people change all the time. I may be head over heels right now, and who knows the next day, I may not care if I see you again.

WHAT TRIGGERED IT

I have cheated on Ren with some guy who is a family friend. Rey really showed me he liked me. Rey treated me way too well than how Ren did. Rey even came to my house in the middle of heavy night rain just to be with me because he said he missed me. Ren never did that. I didn’t leave Ren for Rey because I thought I loved Ren more. And another thing maybe, it’s because I think I wouldn’t lose Rey any time soon, that he’s always going to be there(because he really wanted me).

Too bad that ain’t the case. After two weeks of our last physically encounter, I texted Rey. No reply. I texted his other number. “Hi. This is Rey’s girlfriend. We swapped sims.” I felt a huge slump in my throat. I got horrified and texted back that I WAS his girlfriend. That, excuse me, we just had a physical encounter, woman! That ain’t possible. Do you actually know what you’re talking? It was a hullaballoo. My heart felt like it was crashed and stepped on and shot and wow! I DID NOT see that coming.

At the moment, I didn’t care if Ren texted me or not or if we would fight because it took so much time for me to reply to his texts because of the aftershocks of the bad news I just got. I was mortified. I didn’t know what to do.

Everything was followed by a text from Rey scolding me why I texted HIS GIRLFRIEND that way, that he’s happy with her and didn’t need or want anything from me anymore. I’ve lost Rey and I felt that I’ve lost him forever. It is horrifying, the thought of never hanging out with him again, of never being romanced by him ever again, of never being able to touch or kiss or embrace him ever again. I still have his photos and I look at them, and my inner goddess tells me “Cut the crap, Kwin. He’s not yours to look at anymore!” I realized that my loss is in him.

I always thought I shouldn’t leave Ren for Rey, because I always thought that Ren was my safehouse. At that moment, I felt I loved Rey more than Ren. I’m like a little kid who’s snatched of her ice cream.

Now, that I’ve broken up with Ren, I realized I’m more at peace. I’m more honest and true to myself and to what I feel, God bless me. I felt that I must let him go. I was mourning, not with Ren, but with Rey. And it’s not helping that we’re living in the same street, that I get to hear motorcycles with the same groan as his, that I see him face to face in his motorcycle with his new girlfriend in the back ride, that I have to sit down in the same spot in front of my store where we used to hang-out.

Goodness, why is it so hard to move on? Why is it so damn good to fall in love? Either way, you only get your heart broken. What I honestly want?

1.      I want Rey to call me and tell me he’s broken up with his girlfriend.

2.      I want Ren to call me and tell me he couldn’t live without me. (For some reason, I don’t get why I want this.)

3.      I want to hang-out with Rey again, all the time.

4.      I want Ren and I to be good friends for our daughter.

5.      I want Rey and I to get back together.

I’m such a baby. I’ve gotta be honest, man. I’ve gotta feel the pain of an honest decision, to know that I’m on the right track. And if ever Rey and I don’t get back together as I wish, I believe that breaking up with Ren is still a good decision. I don’t love him anymore, there’s no reason to still stick around.

I know that even if I don’t get to end up with Rey, I would still have my happy ending, that someone is waiting at the end of the line for me, that I was meant for someone.  I may be alone now, but I know that happiness will find me and that ‘now’ is just a beginning. 

MV Logos Dream

It’s been a year since I’ve been on the MV Logos Hope. It’s a ship that goes to different countries to share the word of God. It has a library with books to sell every time it docks to one country. On board it are volunteers of different nationalities who self-support their stay on board.

That was an experience that left a mark on my heart – the desire to one day go on board it.

I have met a friend during a visit to MV Logos, Michelle Lee, a Hong Kong national. She’s a very nice person. She toured me around the ship and invited me to a dinner along with her “family” in the ship. The food was actually something we don’t normally have for dinner in the Philippines. No rice, boiled salmon, boiled potatoes, some sauce, and milk – that composed that dinner. I thought, if I am ever getting on board to volunteer, I would have to learn to live without rice. That’s a good diet, I thought.

Michelle said she wanted to stay longer on board, but she’s only got two months. She misses her family, but being a volunteer to this ‘ship with a purpose’ is such a great journey. I envy her. I want to go on board the MV Logos hope too.

I know being on board it would make a 360-degree-turn in my life. It would be something I could do for the Lord. The very thought of bonding with people who has the same purpose of serving God, gives me more excitement and passion to pursue this dream.

Until now, the dream of volunteering for the MV Logos hope never leaves me. I want one day to be in it. I know that God can see my heart and that desire I have to serve him. I have been wanting to begin my journey of serving God, and I guess this would be one of the biggest leaps I’ll ever try to make to achieve that. 

A long way to go

These are some of my plans for the future.

Graduate from college

Look for a job (Preferably, online. I have been targeting applying at my aunt’s outsourcing company. I think it would cater to what I want as a job, that is, write.)

Apply for my pre-need plan (Social Security System)

Volunteer at MV Logos Hope

Enroll for a second course (BS International Relations)

Fulfill my dream to travel to New York

Write a book

Get married

Have more kids